Noob Support: A crash course in writing

Nothing turns me off more than a bunch of ^&*@#^$ texto posts from people trying to act cool on the internet. You are not cool. You are lame. Even the coolest guys (Hint: Best Page In The Universe, Tucker Max) show some respect for their readers by properly structuring their sentences, paragraphs with perfect grammar applied to their articles. If you want to write the way you want and not care about readers, then a blog is not the place for you. You need a personal journal. If you want your posts not to be an eyesore to your readers, then please show some respect to them by writing in an intelligible way for them. Please note that this little post I have concocted is not for bloggers who write in french or any other language, although the rules may apply to them as well.

THE BASICS ==========

Spelling and Grammar:

One of the main criticisms with most novice writers is a disregard for the proper spelling and grammar. Yes, writing is a creative enterprise, but before you break the rules, you should at least know what they are. Nothing will draw a reader back out of a story faster than a glaring spelling or grammatical error. Learn the basics first. Invest in a good dictionary and thesaurus, the paper kind. And not one of those little pocket editions either.

Quotation Marks:

Learn to use quotation marks properly. Dialogue is a crucial element in most fiction, and deserves correct treatment. "Remember," he said, "that closing quotation marks go on the outside of the punctuation, not the inside."

Paragraphs:

Always use proper paragraphing! Paragraphs are NOT optional! It is extremely difficult to read a story which is simply one huge block of text. Not only is it hard to scan, but the lack of paragraphing creates confusion for the reader. Each paragraph in a story is a series of related thoughts; every sentence in a paragraph should relate to a single subject. If there is a new idea, begin a new paragraph.

Dialogue should be separated by paragraphs. Each time a different character speaks, this should start a new paragraph, even if it is only a single word.

Pronouns should be avoided in the first sentence of every paragraph when making reference to a person, place, or thing for the first time in that sentence. Use the full name of each person, place, or thing being referred to. Not only is this grammatically correct, but it helps to avoid confusion.

Punctuation:

Punctuation is your friend. It helps the flow of the words in the reader's mind, and it helps make the meanings clearer. Too much punctuation, however, is as bad as too little. Some of the most common errors made with punctuation are outlined below.

Punctuation [commas]:

Commas should be used to indicate a very brief pause in the flow of a sentence, and are normally used to link two related, incomplete thoughts (that is, to separate clauses in a complex sentence), to separate a list
of items, or to separate adjectives and adverbs when there is more than one. Use commas sparingly. If there is any question as to its appropriateness in a given case, it is probably better not to use it. Too many commas
can draw the reader's attention away and make a sentence difficult to scan.

Punctuation [semi-colons, colons, periods]:

Colons and semi-colons are vastly underused in most amateur fiction, when they could be used to great advantage. Do not be intimidated by them; their function is not a mystery, nor difficult to grasp. Colons and semi-colons
are used to represent pauses in flow much the same way commas are used. A semi-colon (the ";" symbol) is a pause of "two beats," or about twice as long as you would pause for a comma. A colon (the ":" symbol) is a pause of "three beats," or about three times as long as you would pause for a comma.

Periods, also known as "full stops," represent a complete halt in the flow of a sentence, and are used to indicate the completion of a single thought.

Punctuation [elipses and elides]:

The elipse is possibly the single most overused punctuation mark by amateur (and many professional!) writers. The elipse is represented by three periods (or "pips") in a row ("..."). It is NEVER less than three or more than three. It is ALWAYS three.

An elipse is used to indicate an incomplete thought, and takes the place of a period. It should NEVER be used to represent a pause! If you wish to indicate a pause, a comma, semi-colon, or colon should be used instead.
Generally, gramatically complete sentences should not end in an elipse. Only sentence fragments (those sentences which do not possess a subject, verb, and object) should end in an elipse.

Punctuation [question marks and exclamation marks]:

After the elipse, the question mark and exclamation mark are the most overused punctuation. It is almost never appropriate to use more than one exclamation mark, and it is NEVER appropriate to use more than one
question mark. If you find yourself inclined to use more than a single exclamation mark, try describing the loudness of the sound instead; it will likely make for a better story.

When writing a rhetorical question in dialogue, it can be effective to avoid using the question mark. This nuance should indicate to the reader that the speaker is not actually asking a question, but is making a statement
in the form of a question.

Punctuation [apostrophes]:

The apostrophe (the ' symbol) is used to show possessiveness or that a word has been concatenated. It is NEVER used to show that a word is plural! If one wishes to show possessiveness in a word which ends in an
"s" then one adds an apostrophe, by itself, after the last letter. For example, to indicate that something belongs to Jess, one would use Jess'.

In a concatenated word, the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter in the word. So, for example, "do not" becomes "don't."

There are certain exceptions, the most important as follows.

"Its" is used to show possessiveness. "It's" is a concatenation of "it is." The possessive form of "her" is "hers."

ONLINE SUPPORT ==========

Dictionary:

http://dictionary.reference.com/http://www.merriam-webster.com/

Spellcheck:

http://www.spellcheck.net/

Thesaurus:

A thesaurus helps you avoid repetition in your writing and helps you
find a word for an idea you have in mind. You can use it to increase
your vocabulary as the typical thesaurus has synonyms for more than
100,000 words.

http://thesaurus.reference.com/
http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/thesaurus

Translate:

http://www.google.com/translate_thttp://babelfish.altavista.com/

TUTORIAL ==========

The elements of style : http://www.bartleby.com/141/
Tucker Max's guide to writing: http://www.tuckermax.com/archives/entries/a_brief_introduction_to_writing.phtml

READING ==========

The best way to write well is to read and to learn. Here are two great authors which are inspiring in their writing.

Michael Crichton (The author of Jurassic Park and creator of ER, the "urgences" tv series) http://www.michaelcrichton.net/essays.html

Paul Graham
http://www.paulgraham.com/articles.html

Hope you find this little tutorial helpful...

Really helpful! I try to write properly most of the time. It's really important to be understood. That's the least a blogger can do.

Thanks for the tips!
But one of my big problems is typing too fast... you usually don't notice the error! So i would suggest reading it aloud - that helps!

ps: paraitre couma dire en lesson English!

Thanks for the tips. It is important to write properly so that the intended message is made clear. The reader must not be left guessing

carrotmadman6 wrote:ps: paraitre couma dire en lesson English!

Dans lesson anglais, prof. pa ti dir kav servi internet pu fer essay! Si mo servi mot "blog" dan 1 essay aster la, mo sure li pu dir moi "This word does not exist!" Ala 0 points pu moi.

I always try to write in a proper English but I don't know to what extent I succeed at it. Great tips.

Yan wrote:

carrotmadman6 wrote:ps: paraitre couma dire en lesson English!

Dans lesson anglais, prof. pa ti dir kav servi internet pu fer essay! Si mo servi mot "blog" dan 1 essay aster la, mo sure li pu dir moi "This word does not exist!" Ala 0 points pu moi.

Ultra Leul. Bizin guet prof la so expression facial sa.

great tutorial Yan i will try to put it into practice

Yan wrote:

carrotmadman6 wrote:ps: paraitre couma dire en lesson English!

Dans lesson anglais, prof. pa ti dir kav servi internet pu fer essay! Si mo servi mot "blog" dan 1 essay aster la, mo sure li pu dir moi "This word does not exist!" Ala 0 points pu moi.

yeah the word blog itself does not exist

Nice write up dude...

"a personal journal" = personal blog!

most personal bloggers blog for themselves or friends. so whether or not they structure their sentences for our convenience will not matter...especially if we are not part of their circle of on/off line friends.

but i do agree that some basic grammar, spelling and punctiation skills can be very helpful...

some has even advised against the use of slang words, l33t or abbreviated txts...zese are usually pro-bloggers who want to target everybody (especially those who barely spend time online or on them forums)...so, if ya a personal blogger, me say: keep doing wat ya doing coz it helps limit your readership to only close friends and it does help discourage lurkers!

waz wrote:"a personal journal" = personal blog!

most personal bloggers blog for themselves or friends. so whether or not they structure their sentences for our convenience will not matter...especially if we are not part of their circle of on/off line friends.

but i do agree that some basic grammar, spelling and punctiation skills can be very helpful...

some has even advised against the use of slang words, l33t or abbreviated txts...zese are usually pro-bloggers who want to target everybody (especially those who barely spend time online or on them forums)...so, if ya a personal blogger, me say: keep doing wat ya doing coz it helps limit your readership to only close friends and it does help discourage lurkers!

if you want your blog to be read by friends only and to avoid lurkers, there is an option on most blog interfaces which allows your blog to be viewed by people you have invited only. It is the invite-only option for permission on blogger.

No lurkers, friends only and another painless experience for me as I surf the internet!

But if you want to make friends by blogging, then at least use "these" instead of "zese". You'll find less people laughing behind your back!

lol

i make fun of myself all the time so y u should i care about people laughing behind me back?

Punctuation:

Punctuation is your friend. It helps the flow of the words in the reader's mind, and it helps make the meanings clearer. Too much punctuation, however, is as bad as too little. Some of the most common errors made with punctuation are outlined below.

Punctuation [commas]:

Commas should be used to indicate a very brief pause in the flow of a sentence, and are normally used to link two related, incomplete thoughts (that is, to separate clauses in a complex sentence), to separate a list
of items, or to separate adjectives and adverbs when there is more than one. Use commas sparingly. If there is any question as to its appropriateness in a given case, it is probably better not to use it. Too many commas
can draw the reader's attention away and make a sentence difficult to scan.

Punctuation [semi-colons, colons, periods]:

Colons and semi-colons are vastly underused in most amateur fiction, when they could be used to great advantage. Do not be intimidated by them; their function is not a mystery, nor difficult to grasp. Colons and semi-colons
are used to represent pauses in flow much the same way commas are used. A semi-colon (the ";" symbol) is a pause of "two beats," or about twice as long as you would pause for a comma. A colon (the ":" symbol) is a pause of "three beats," or about three times as long as you would pause for a comma.

Periods, also known as "full stops," represent a complete halt in the flow of a sentence, and are used to indicate the completion of a single thought.

Punctuation [elipses and elides]:

The elipse is possibly the single most overused punctuation mark by amateur (and many professional!) writers. The elipse is represented by three periods (or "pips") in a row ("..."). It is NEVER less than three or more than three. It is ALWAYS three.

An elipse is used to indicate an incomplete thought, and takes the place of a period. It should NEVER be used to represent a pause! If you wish to indicate a pause, a comma, semi-colon, or colon should be used instead.
Generally, gramatically complete sentences should not end in an elipse. Only sentence fragments (those sentences which do not possess a subject, verb, and object) should end in an elipse.

Punctuation [question marks and exclamation marks]:

After the elipse, the question mark and exclamation mark are the most overused punctuation. It is almost never appropriate to use more than one exclamation mark, and it is NEVER appropriate to use more than one
question mark. If you find yourself inclined to use more than a single exclamation mark, try describing the loudness of the sound instead; it will likely make for a better story.

When writing a rhetorical question in dialogue, it can be effective to avoid using the question mark. This nuance should indicate to the reader that the speaker is not actually asking a question, but is making a statement
in the form of a question.

Punctuation [apostrophes]:

The apostrophe (the ' symbol) is used to show possessiveness or that a word has been concatenated. It is NEVER used to show that a word is plural! If one wishes to show possessiveness in a word which ends in an
"s" then one adds an apostrophe, by itself, after the last letter. For example, to indicate that something belongs to Jess, one would use Jess'.

In a concatenated word, the apostrophe takes the place of the missing letter in the word. So, for example, "do not" becomes "don't."

There are certain exceptions, the most important as follows.

"Its" is used to show possessiveness. "It's" is a concatenation of "it is." The possessive form of "her" is "hers."

M detester kan dimun pa met punctuation marks dans zot phrase!!!!!! Sa m'enerveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Si mo servi mot "blog" dan 1 essay aster la, mo sure li pu dir moi "This word does not exist!" Ala 0 points pu moi.

Mo ti fer ene comprehension sur Blog :p Alor m pa kwar li pu dir toi sa

waz wrote:lol

i make fun of myself all the time so y u should i care about people laughing behind me back?

No comments...

lol....same here!

btw, for a noob_support entry...it does lean more towards noob_bashing especially with "Nothing turns me off more than a bunch of ^&*@#^$ texto posts from people trying to act cool on the internet. You are not cool. You are lame.[...]You need a personal journal. If you want your posts not to be an
eyesore to your readers,[...]"

noobs should be allowed to experiment with their own blogging style...it's human nature to make mistakes and we learn from them!

also there is no written rule that says blog is not for noobs or those who want to write for their own self...mbb has members that write poems or their thoughts on them respective blogs with barely any intention to attract readers...blogs are not just for ads or money!

plus, personal bloggers are more like your free-thinking/ laissez faire/ lay-back/ dreamy uni students (with some exceptions) whereas your pro-bloggers are more like them uptight anally retentive lecturers (with some exceptions). in other words, personal bloggers are less likely to follow any rules at times. pro ones know only their rules and think that these should be applied to everybody without exception.

finally, zis is the internet! it's not like zis is an academic setting!

it's indeed frustrating to come up with an entries filled up will l33t, slangs or textos...but guess what! one click later, we r already far away from that particular annoying blog that has soooo suddenly disrupted our peace of mind! peace out...

waz wrote:lol....same here!

btw, for a noob_support entry...it does lean more towards noob_bashing especially with "Nothing
turns me off more than a bunch of ^&*@#^$ texto posts from people
trying to act cool on the internet. You are not cool. You are
lame.[...]You need a personal journal. If you want your posts not to be
an
eyesore to your readers,[...]"

I called it noob support with respect to one of your earlier posts. And maybe it turns to noob bashing because I'm a bit biased to all people who do not give a damn about simple grammar rules. But my opinions do not matter here.

waz wrote:noobs should be allowed
to experiment with their own blogging style...it's human nature to make
mistakes and we learn from them!

It's human nature to make mistakes but it's stupidity to learn your mistakes but continue making them. I have no problem against people learning the how to of blogging. What I was addressing was the simple rules of writing in english which most people learn as from pre-primary school. If you continue to make mistakes you have been learning since you were a kid, then god help you.

waz wrote:also there is no written rule
that says blog is not for noobs or those who want to write for their
own self...mbb has members that write poems or their thoughts on them
respective blogs with barely any intention to attract readers...blogs
are not just for ads or money!

I did not say that blog is not for "noobs" and neither did I say that blogs are just for ads or money! I only said that if you want to write in IMPROPER ENGLISH for your own self, then a personal journal is for you or make your blog invite-only to your selected readers. I have nothing against MBB members who write poems or personal thoughts. In fact they are great and well-written poems. Also I clearly said in my first post that it was not meant for bloggers who write in french or creole. I enjoy reading a particular blogger who writes in "creole" english long before I knew about MBB. The blog in question is http://sunfloweravi.blogspot.com She writes in creole and english but the english is flawless and the creole just add spices to the text. All in all it's a pleasant experience. Now imagine if she were to add a bunch of texto words with creole all in one post, it would be a pain to read.

waz wrote:plus, personal bloggers are
more like your free-thinking/ laissez faire/ lay-back/ dreamy uni
students (with some exceptions) whereas your pro-bloggers are more like
them uptight anally retentive lecturers (with some exceptions). in
other words, personal bloggers are less likely to follow any rules at
times. pro ones know only their rules and think that these should be
applied to everybody without exception.

I think you are biased in your viewpoints about pro and personal bloggers . Your views are limited to students and university professors only. There are many mauritians who blog (friends I personally know) and who are neither students nor professors. You have the flic en flac dude, sunflower avi, etc. There is fadil here. And I know of only one professor who blogs and that is Mr. Meetoo. I consider myself a semi-problogger because of the niche I'm in and I also find myself a lay-back dude with some worries in life like most people. I do not know of any problogger who has written of a set of rigid rules which are the norms among all bloggers. There may be a set of rules to regulate blogging but these also do not apply to everyone.

waz wrote:finally, zis is the internet! it's not like zis is an academic setting!

I hope you did not find this post as boring as a lecture in an academic setting.

waz wrote:it's indeed frustrating to come up with an entries filled up will l33t,
slangs or textos...but guess what! one click later, we r already far
away from that particular annoying blog that has soooo suddenly
disrupted our peace of mind! peace out...

That is actually what I was doing with this post. I genuinely want to help the "newbie" mauritian blogger maintain a reader's span attention of more than a few seconds. Like you said yourself in your noob support of how to blog, most will stop blogging within 2-3 weeks. One factor behind this is few regular visitors to your blog. You can argue with it but it is universally known that good grammar rules attract more readers be it in any medium. I don't know of a single publisher who will publish a book of l33t words except maybe a guide to understand l33t words.

Anyway I know this is the internet. It is full of spam, porn, perverts, pedophiles,etc. Name it. The internet has it. All I wanted to do with this post was to help in the work of the Mauritius Blog Brethen. That is to help beginner mauritian bloggers and to increase the level of credibility of mauritian blogging in the blogosphere and in Mauritius as well. Most mauritians still think that blogging relates to showing your pictures on www.skyblog.com and expecting comments. I was one of them a long time ago.

But if you don't care about what you write, then the press and most mauritians will relate blogging to blogs like strictly mauritius.

If you genuinely think that my post is of no use to beginner mauritian bloggers, then I shall gladly remove it and I invite you to contribute your idea of what kind of content you think will increase the profile of blogging in Mauritius so that our blogs can make an impact and the press starts to take us seriously.

I'm no preacher. I'm no uptight anally retentive lecturer. I do not make rules about how you must blog. The rules I have stated in the beginning of this post are simply rules of how to write correctly in english. Finally I'm no pro at blogging and I'm open to suggestions and constructive criticisms from you guys.

lol...

nah mane, them examples are just that: examples! yeah, possibly they are biased but at the time, that was the only thing i could think of to pinpoint those 2 blogging styles: personal vs. pro...i did not mean that a personal blogger = uni student...i was just talking about how they blog...

your post is useful...but just like everybody was telling ante not to be too harsh on his reviews and not to lean too much towards the negative, here i am saying za same thing...your views are shared by all of us...i also find it frustrating when i come up with personal entries that are loaded with errors or
slangs...but me think, it's best we present both sides for a proper noob_support. then, we let the noobs choose...!

some may have a reason for relying heavily on slangs or l33t...

for instance, on me blog, i make fun of everything! since i have been overseas, people has been saying all kinda shit about me accent! so to
vent it off, i blog:

original -> oliginal
sorry -> solly
the -> zee (though i do say zee when i talk as well )
etc...

it gets really annoying...but that's my choice coz i want to irk them 100% english readers (& speakers) who make fun of other people's accent.

when it comes to slangs or l33t, i will usually have it defined further down the entry or have it linked back to urbandictionary.

also, in me last years of uni, i got fed up with academic writing...i found it boring...my lectures were boring...everything was boring! so
right now, anything that reminds me of academic writing won't make it through me filters! but that's just me...!

see how we both have different approach and different reason for blogging! actually, if we sit back and think about it, not all of us will have the same reason to blog...hence, it's a good idea we try to present both sides! sorry if it feels like i'm picking on ya! i'm not!

Point noted. Let's move on.

true...don't delete it! it's a good read!